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Forget about the past, you can’t change it,
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it,
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one!
Two elderly men are sitting on a bench outside a retirment home and one says, “Ted I am 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age how do you feel?”
Ted says “I feel like a newborn baby!”
“Really? like a newborn baby?”
“Yep no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants!”
Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.
You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar….. Yung No Mo
Act your age not your shoe size.
I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date!
You think you are special JUST because it’s your birthday today…No way you’re special every day!!!
How do you expect me to remember your birthday, when you never look any older? Happy birthday!
I was gonna give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.
You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years of experience!
That awkward moment when people are singing Happy Birthday to you and you have no idea where to look.
I can’t believe you’re almost 18. You’ll be able to go to jail!
Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe!
At 42 just think of it as being your 2nd 21st birthday.
Old enough to know better…Young enough to still do it.
If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.
So far, this is the oldest I’ve ever been.
Every once in a while, special people are put on this earth. People with deep passion, immense love for others. People with hearts much greater than average, and today, one of them would like to wish you a happy birthday.
It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.
Something to remember on your birthday..Forget the past, it can’t be changed..And, forget the present because I didn’t get you one.
It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
That awkward moment when it’s your birthday and everyone is singing “Happy birthday to you” and you just stand there clueless of what to say.
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more Birthdays live longer.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know WHY I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Forget the past, you can’t change.
Forget the future, you can’t predict it.
Forget the present, I didn’t get you one!
When asked how old I am I reply, “Old enough to know better, and young enough to do it again!”
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half… Forget that, after I finally learned to talk, my parents were telling me to shut up.
I’m not going to make any age related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
Of course you’re not old! You aren’t very young either.
When you are over the hill you pick up speed!
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There are many important moments in the life and some of those moments are milestones. Those events could be coming of new age or major accomplishments. 21st birthday is one of the milestone which worth celebrating. Turning 21 is a huge moment in the life in which one will realize that there are so many possibilities. Every choice or decision that you make now, can affect the rest of your life.
Of course, 21st celebration is magical and it only comes once, but opening that doorway does not mean that you will stop having fun! It is a start of more exhilarating adventures and a journey of discovering yourself further.
At the age of 21, the sense of pride, inspiration, confidence, comfort and joy could make all the difference. When you write 21st birthday message, try to keep in mind that turning 21 is a milestone, so your happy birthday greetings should be milestone worthy. You can get some inspiration from following and happy 21st birthday quotes, but you should add something specific or personal touch, too.
That's a funny quote that graces the cover of one of our hilarious birthday cards his wry observation on the all-knowingness of youth and the wisdom of age.
90 Birthday QuotesShare these birthday quotes with family and friends to recognize and celebrate the special day they were born. Find words to make them smile, quotes of famous people and more all to wish them a Happy Birthday!
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It is always fun to celebrate birthdays, as well as to think about the many things that have been said about or that relate to them. Aside from getting wiser, one can delight in good food and good company.
Here are some awesome birthday quotes to liven up your big day, and perhaps even share with family and friends.
Since first reading Dr. Seuss, my favorite birthday quote has been:
1.) “Today you are You; that is truer than true.
There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” – Dr. Seuss
Getting older (and hopefully wiser), we face old age, our senior years. Perhaps Emily Dickinson has the right idea:
2.) “We turn not older with years, but newer every day” – Emily Dickinson
Sam Hagar reinforced this idea saying:
3.) “Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.” – Sam Hagar
Can we live with that idea? Here’s what I always say:
4.) “Wow, thank you Lord for another great chance to make a difference.”
Yes, I am grateful that I’m still alive. But life isn’t forever, so remember:
5.) “Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever.” – Mahatma Gandhi
Henry Ford agreed:
6.) “Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 20 or 80.
Anyone who keeps learning stays young.
The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young”. – Henry Ford
Band leader, Les Brown emphasized:
7.) “You’re never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream” – Les Brown
George Eliot said:
8.) “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot
While I was still in school, I had to read writings by ancient philosophers. I never thought they were relevant to me. As another birthday approaches, I’ve looked at some of those words of wisdom, re-evaluating their relevance.
Perhaps they are things that I’ve learned to live by, to accept – and yes – use as birthday quotes:
9.) “God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to
give ourselves the gift of living well,” – Voltaire
A great birthday quote by William Shakespeare’s is:
10.) “With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.” – William Shakespeare
Mark Twain agreed,
11.) “Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.” – Mark Twain
Certainly some good things to remember as we celebrate birthdays! Samuel Ullman said:
12.) “Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” – Samuel Ullman
At birthday gatherings you also might also want to quote:
13.) “Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words,” – Plautus
14.) “Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself,
to become what he potentially is,” – E. Fromm
15.) “Age is opportunity no less than youth itself,” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
16.) “Happiness is when what you think, what you say,
and what you do are in harmony,” – Mahatma Gandhi
Or you might hear:
17.) “I’m like a fine wine. They don’t bring me out very much
But, I am well preserved,” – Rose Kennedy
18.) “Beautiful young people are accidents of nature,
But beautiful old people are works of art,” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Of course in discussing getting older, other pearls of wisdom are shared:
19.) “The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune,” – English Proverb
20.) “None are as old as those who have outlived enthusiasm,” – Henry David Thoreau
21.) “It’s not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old,
They grow old because they stop pursuing dreams,” – Gabriel G. Marquez
Another great birthday quote, this one by a comedian is:
22.) “Age is strictly a case of mind over matter.
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter,” – Jack Benny
Another by George Burns is,
23.) “You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” – George Burns
With laughter, Bob Hope said,
24.) “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope
Who would want to fix things?
25.) “If we could be twice young and twice old,
we could correct all our mistakes,” – Euripides
For those with a strong belief in God:
26.) “Our life is a gift from the Creator. Your gift back to the Creator is what you do with your life,” – Billy Mills
Hearts are always mentioned with birthdays:
27.) “Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty –
They merely move it from their faces into their hearts,” – Martin Buxbaum
28.) “The heart of the giver makes the gift dear and precious,” – Martin Luther
Some U.S. Presidents have made some birthday quotes:
29.) “Be sure you put your feet in the right place,
then stand firm,” – Lincoln
30.) “Whatever you are, be a good one.” – Lincoln
31.) “Let us seek the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past.
Let us accept our own responsibility for the future,” – Kennedy
Words of wisdom for aging from Confucius:
32.) “Study the past if you would define the future!”
33.) “It doesn’t matter how slowly you go, so long as you don’t stop.”
34.) “Choose a job you love.You will never have to work a day in your life.”
35.) “The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.”
As we grow older, may we remember these wise quotes:
35.) “It is not the strongest of the species that survive
But the one most responsive to change,” – Darwin
36.) “It’s the mark of an educated mind to be able to
entertain a thought without accepting it,” – Aristotle
37.) “Life is like riding a bicycle.
To keep your balance you must keep moving,” – Einstein
38.) “Obstacles are those frightful things you see
when you take your eyes off the goal,” – Henry Ford
39.) “Don’t celebrate how old you are,
celebrate the years you survived.” – Touaxia Vang
40.) “Don’t anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen,” – Ben Franklin
41.) “Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” – C.S. Lewis
42.) “Count your age by friends, not years, your life by smiles, not tears.” – John Lennon
43.) “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” – Tolkien
So, as we all age – day by day, and as I pray I get to reach 70 in a couple of years, I often repeat this quote:
44.) “I don’t mind getting older; it’s a privilege denied to so many!” ― Chris Geiger, ‘The Cancer Survivors Club’
45.) “A birthday is the anniversary of your birth. It’s the time most of us reflect over the past year and what we hope for in the coming year.” – Claudia T Hudson
46.) “Today is the oldest you have been, and the youngest you will ever be. Make the most of it!” – Nicky Gumbel
47.) “There are two attitudes you can have when it comes to your birthday:
1. be thankful you have lived another year.
or, 2. complain about being a year older.” – Catherine Pulsifer
48.) “When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.” – Cherokee Expression
49.) “Your age isn’t you. Use today to feel your best, celebrate and be your very happiest.” – M. Rivers
50.) “A birth-date is a reminder to celebrate the life as well as to update the life.” – Amit Kalantri
51.) “A birthday is not a day to fear. It is a day to celebrate and look forward to the coming year.” – Byron Pulsifer
52.) “Birthdays are inevitable, beautiful and very particular moments in our lives! Moments that bring precious memories back, celebrate the present times and give hope for the future.” – Bsbr Arish
53.) “Your birthday is my pleasure. You are my sweetest treasure.” – Danny Demeersseman
54.) “We have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be.” – Lauren Hutton
55.) “Your birthday is the beginning of your own personal new year. Your first birthday was a beginning, and each new birthday is a chance to begin again, to start over, to take a new grip on life.” – Wilfred Peterson
56.) “I enjoy celebrating birthdays. Everyone should have their birthday celebrated.” – Loraine D. Nunley
57.) “May your years be counted not by your age
but by how you spend your days.” – Catherine Pulsifer
58.) “Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.” – Jean Paul Richter
59.) “Birthdays come but once a year, celebrate and be of good cheer.” Robert Rivers
60.) “Each year as our birthday comes, our thoughts and beliefs may change a bit from year to year. But believe our wish for you is always the same, may you find happiness and blessings all of your days!” – Catherine Pulsifer
Birthdays are special days – not only to celebrate among people we love, but also to remind us of how far we’ve come in life. During this occasion, keep these beautiful quotes handy as a gift to yourself.
funny quotes · wisdom quotes · good questions A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. 7. And in the end.
Looking for Happy Birthday funny wishes, quotes, jokes and images to put a smile on someone's face on their birthday? Whether it's for him or for her, a friend or a colleague, or maybe even a belated birthday wish, we've got you covered with our huge selection of funny birthday wishes.
Write them in birthday cards, send them by SMS or email, or message someone on Facebook or Twitter. No matter how you send one of these funny wishes you're sure to brighten their birthday and make them laugh!
Use these quick-links to jump to a particular section, or scroll down the page to see the entire collection of funny birthday quotes and wishes.
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Last updated: February 19, 2019
For more ideas, take a look at funny birthday cards on Amazon.
A selection of happy birthday funny quotes you can use to wish someone a very happy birthday and poke fun at their age on their birthday. Use them as part of a funny birthday card message, or even as a Facebook caption.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest! (But it has also been scientifically proven that too many will kill you.)
Don't let ageing get you down... it's too hard to get back up again!
Middle age... when "happy hour" is a nap!
If gray hair is a sign of wisdom, then you're a genius!
What goes up but never comes down? Your age.
The tragedy of getting old: So many candles... so little cake.
Technically you're not 50. You're only $49.95, plus tax!
They say you lose your mind as you grow older... what they don't tell you is that you won't miss it much!
Age doesn't make you forgetful: having too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful!
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~ Chili Davis
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
~ Jack Benny
Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art.
~ Stanislaw Lec
Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
~ Helen Hayes
I've reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
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Some funny happy birthday wishes and messages you can use in a funny birthday card message to friends or family on their birthday.
I believe you forgot my birthday present last year, so now I'm returning the favor. Happy Birthday!
A wise man once said, "Forget about your past, you cannot change it". I'd like to add: "Forget about your present, I didn't get you one".
Happy Birthday to a [Mom/Dad] who's smart and funny and good looking, from a [daughter/son] who inherited all your best qualities.
It's your birthday? Let's get up to some mischief!
Funny birthday wishes about getting older:
It's OK to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.
You know, they say that age is really all in the mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body.
Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.
You're how old?! Better take that cake outdoors to light the candles! Have a very happy birthday.
Congratulations, you've finally reached the wonder years... wonder where your car is parked? Wonder where you left your phone? Wonder where your glasses are? Wonder what day it is?
When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
You might be prehistoric, but at least you're not extinct!
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
You're not old! ...oh, no wait, actually you are, sorry about that...
Don't stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It's nature's way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.
Happy birthday!! You only look as old as the last selfie you took.
I wouldn't say you're old... you've just been young for longer than most of us.
Don't grow up... It's a trap!
Great news! ...you're still alive!
You've got more than half a century of accumulated knowledge and wisdom! That would be awesome... if you could remember any of it.
You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday to someone who has attended more birthday parties for kids than adults this year.
I thought you might need some help with the candles. Happy Birthday!
Personalize these happy birthday funny wishes with the age of the person.
Don't think of it as turning [insert age]. We're here to celebrate the 10th anniversary of your [insert age -10]th birthday.
Looking [insert age] is great - if you're sixty.
[For under 40s:] You may not be over the hill yet, but you have a great view!
[insert age]?! I demand a recount!
Congratulations on the 10th anniversary of your [XX]th birthday! Here's to many more.
Happy birthday! And remember you're not [insert age] ...you're 18 with [XX] years' experience.
[Insert age] and still too young to plan your own surprise party!
You're 60? That's only 16 in Celsius. Happy birthday!
Deepest sympathies on your [insert age] birthday.
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A collection of funny happy birthday wishes for your mom, sister, aunt, or female friends.
The secret to staying young is make up... make up an age, then stick with it!
Happy birthday. It took you [insert age] years to look this good!
We'll be friends 'til we're old and senile... and then we'll be new friends!
Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so many birthdays to earn them.
~ Anna Magnani
You're the youngest [insert age] year old I know.
Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
You suck at ageing! Can you at least try to look older?
Those aren't gray hairs you see. They're strands of birthday glitter growing out of your head.
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Happy birthday funny wishes for him, including great messages to wish your dad, brother, uncle, or best buddy a very happy birthday!
If anyone calls you old this birthday, just hit him with your walking stick and throw your teeth at him.
Happy birthday! Don't forget to iron that birthday suit.
A little gray hair is a small price to pay for so much wisdom.
I don't have birthdays anymore, I level up!
Fill in the gaps: H___Y B__T____ ... nice try- HAIRY BUTTOCKS.
Happy Birthday Dad! When I grow up I want to be just like you... but hopefully with more hair! Love, your son.
Middle age is when your age begins to show around your middle.
~ Bob Hope
You know you're 40 when your back is hairier than your head.
What did the bald guy say when he got a comb for his birthday? Thanks, I'll never part with it!
A man has reached middle age when he's warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police.
~ Henry Youngman
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Oh no! Did you forget their birthday? Apologize with one of these funny belated happy birthday messages. I'm sure it will get you back in their good books...
I'm so sorry I forgot your birthday. The good news is that I also forgot your age. Happy Belated Birthday!
I'm so sorry for sending you belated birthday wishes. Honestly, I didn't think you would live this long. Happy Birthday!
I promise this card isn't late. It is intentionally arriving after your birth-day, because I think you deserve a whole birth-month. Happy Birth-month!
I know you think this card is a few days late. It's actually worse than that. This is your card from 2010 that I only just got around to sending. Happy Belated Birthday!
Happy Birthday! Don't think of this as a late birthday card. Consider it a very early one for next year. Here's wishing you a wonderful year ahead!
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Funny birthday wishes to wish your best friend a very happy birthday.
Some say the glass is half empty, others say the glass is half full. It's your birthday, just drink whatever's in the glass!
On your special day, I wish you peace, love, insight, relaxation, fun, knowledge, romance, friendship... and all that stuff that doesn't cost anything.
Just imagine all the things you'd want to hear on your birthday ...and assume I wrote them here!
For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life.
At your age, people expect you to be calm, dignified and sober.... Disappoint them.
You're older; you're wiser; you're sophisticated. Far too sophisticated to be concerned with material things like presents.
At least you're not as old as you'll be this time next year.
If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on Facebook!
A true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age.
You're turning the perfect age. You're old enough to recognize your mistakes but young enough to make some more. Happy birthday!
The best part of being over forty is that you did most your stupid stuff before the internet.
Don't worry, they are not gray hairs, they are wisdom highlights. You just happen to be extremely wise.
[For over 40s:] Happy birthday! I'm so pleased to hear you're over the hill instead of under it.
By the time you're your age, you've learned everything - you only have to remember it! Many happy returns on your birthday.
I spent 3 hours searching the internet for the perfect birthday message for you and then I gave up. Happy Birthday.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
~ Mark Twain
You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
~ John Grier
Happy 21st again!
If things get better with age, then you're approaching magnificent!
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A collection of happy birthday funny jokes you can send to your friends and family on their birthdays.
How does NASA organise a birthday party? They planet.
What kind of music is scary for birthday balloons? ...pop music!
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until the doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I always get this warm feeling on my birthday - people won't stop toasting me.
Why did the teddy bear refuse a slice of birthday cake? He was already stuffed.
You know you're getting old when you can't walk past a bathroom without thinking, "I may as well pee while I'm here."
The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.
The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.
Did you hear about the [insert age] year old who was still cool? Yeah, me neither.
Do you know why candles are always put on top of birthday cakes?
Because it's far too difficult to put them on the bottom.
You know you're old when you turn down the lights to be economical instead of romantic.
You know you're old when getting lucky means a short wait in the doctor's office.
You know you're old when you have a party and the neighbours don't even realize.
Did you know that [insert date] is a date when no famous men or women have ever been born? .....None, only babies!
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Still looking for just the right message? Check out these pages for more funny birthday wishes and quotes:
30th B'day40th B'day50th B'day60th B'dayBirthday WishesImages QuotesWifeHusbandFriendsMomDadAuntieSisterBrotherDaughterSonBelatedBible VerseBirthday Prayers
Birthday quotes for brother is one of the best way to make him realize that how Funny wishes, funny quotes, Images and much more are the way to express Dear brother, a piece of wisdom for you on your birthday: age is a number and.
KejinnSeptember 26, 2018 7:50 AM
It is remarkable, rather useful message